I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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