Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
