i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
