please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
