i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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