i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
