I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
