So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
