its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
