she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize