I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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