I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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