I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
