There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
