I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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