Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
