Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Randomize