ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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