like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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