i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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