I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you never un-have a 4some
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
