after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
