I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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