Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
