I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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