discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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