so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
