did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
