too bad you live with your parents still
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
