your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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