Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
