I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
