"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
