also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
