my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
