just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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