mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize