I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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