Your mouth is God's brothel.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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