So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize