We named our party play list daddy issues
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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