I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
