u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
