Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
