CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
