i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
