Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
