the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
