it hurts more in the daytime
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
