she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
