I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
