dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
