My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
