Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
