I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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