wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
