I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
