it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just puked most of my soul out..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize