I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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