Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
