At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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