clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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