So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
