i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
