I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Randomize
