hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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