I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
