the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
