I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
