lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
