I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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