I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
