I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
