I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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