if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize