At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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