hotel room ftw
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ttyl tear gas
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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