Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
