So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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