so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The struggles of a small town man whore
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
