get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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