I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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