I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
