Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
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