is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
