There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
