Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
