im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
