I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
