She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
